Punch Drunk

There is an old story of a man on trial for assault. He had been punching people in the nose. His defense was that he had an unalienable right to pursue happiness and punching people in the nose made him happy. In sentencing the man, the Judge told him that his right to pursue happiness ended at the tip of the next person's nose. I'm not inclined to believe this story ever actually happened, but as an allegory it is very useful.

I don't know if I've posted it here before but I often write that the primary purpose of our government, and indeed the argument in the Declaration of Independence, is to protect the unalienable rights of its citizens. Apparently, I have an unalienable right to not get punched in the nose. I'm sure Thomas Jefferson felt it would have sounded clunky along with "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". That's probably why he wrote the phrase that precedes it, to wit, "that among these are."

I often look at the Preamble to The Constitution as a general set of instructions on how best to secure these rights, to use the construction of the Declaration. Take my nose, please. How does The Constitution help the government protect my right to not get hit in the nose?

• Step 1: Establish justice. Should someone actually punch me in the nose I can seek redress in court. No need to resort to 2nd Amendment remedies (apologies to Sharron Angle)
• Step 2: Ensure domestic tranquility. Ironically, this should come first. If the police are keeping the peace my nose won't get punched.
• Step 3: Provide for the common defense. This means that they should protect us all from a foreign power that would overthrow our government and allow us to get punched in the nose.
• Step 4: Promote the General Welfare. When people are doing better in general they are less likely to want to punch my nose.
• Step 5: Secure the blessings of Liberty. Repeat steps 1 thru 4.
• Step 6: To ourselves and our Posterity. Now and forever.

Now, let's consider anything that might infringe upon my rights as a punch in the nose. Our Constitution not only charges the government with protecting my nose from being punched, it prohibits the government from doing the punching. Who else, aside from our neighbor in the first paragraph, might try to punch us in the nose? Corporations.

When government, through regulation, seeks to protect our noses (and mom spent a lot on mine), that is not tyranny. That is simply government doing its job. We need to separate the concept of pro-citizen from anti-business. More to come. . .